Well, I started this blog a month before Lucas turns one, with hopes to have "the story" told so I can share it when he turns one. I took a break for a few days, and honestly, every time I thought about writing this post again, I just haven't sat down to do it because it is not one of my favorite memories and I've just been thinking of what to say. It was a hard day, but there were some good parts.
When my ambulance arrived to UNC, the first little bit is a blur. When I sit here and think about it, I don't actually remember entering the building and I think now that I feel like I have UNC memorized...where exactly was I??? I'm sure it was an entrance I never used again.
I'm pretty sure by now, Luke knew that he needed to get the first flight out of Missouri and get back home ASAP. Oh, how I wanted him to be with me right now. There were a couple of nurses in the room it seems like - and one, Shannon, her nails matched her scrubs. We laughed at that as it was coincidence. And my mom showed up in there at some point in time. And I must say, she did a really good job of holding it together. I always felt like if something happened I wouldn't want to panic her and make it worse, but as worried as I know she was, she held it together for me. Better than I thought she would have, knowing my tender hearted mother.
There was a doctor who came in to talk to me. I don't know her name, but I remember her face. She was far from what I expected from when Dr. Stone had told me that every hour counted and that when I got to UNC, they would be able to tell me more about statistics and give e options as to whether to give me steroids, etc. No. That's not what this doctor did. This doctor stood beside me and looked me in the eye and said very matter of fact "Your babies aren't viable. If they start to come, we can't help them. If you get an infection, we will have to take them, but they aren't far enough along to make it. We can't give you the steroid shot right now because it won't help until you're 24 weeks, so we can give it to you at 23 weeks and 5 days because we'd like you to have it in your system for 48 hours, but you're only 23 weeks and 3 days, so it won't do any good right now." She also decided to stop the magnesium to protect the babies brains because of the same reason. If I were to go into labor right now, they wouldn't save the babies, so there was no point in having me on magnesium. The main reason for magnesium is for protecting the babies brains from possible hemorrhaging, but another useful side effect was that it can also be used to slow contractions. And she wanted to take me back off of the magnesium because it was "pointless" at this time.
I was so in shock of all that was going on, I didn't talk much. I didn't ask very many questions, and I just was taking in what was being told to me without questioning it. After all, they were the doctors, I guess they make the decisions for these kinds of things. They didn't know why my water broke and if it was because of infection then I could potentially be at danger, and they were concerned for me as their patient, more than the babies. I just listened and prayed for my precious babies to stay inside.
While I was in the emergency room, my phone rang. It was one of my sweetest friends, Kitzya. She was concerned and called to ask me if she could pray with me, and she did. That was probably the first time I cried because up until that point I was in "fight or flight" mode and just kind of numb. But here, my friend, who lives all the way in Texas and felt helpless not to be able to do anything, called me to pray with me. It was just what I needed. I could hear the emotions in her voice, but she prayed for God's protection around me and our baby boys in the name of Jesus and for the doctors and nurses and for peace and comfort. I will always remember how special it was for her to care enough to call and pray with me right then. She (along with many other friends) were also asking their friends, families and churches to pray (it happened to be a Sunday morning) for us as well. Prayers, and a miracle, were exactly what we needed.
Finally, I was out of that room and off to labor and delivery with that doctors' words stuck in my head. "You're babies aren't viable..." But then it came to mind again - those 24 week twins I heard about that were born last year, and the dad said that they are ok!
Monday, April 14, 2014
Saturday, April 5, 2014
My first ride in an ambulance.
Back to the morning my water broke. After the nurse pushed me through the hallways of Rex into some kind of room...emergency, labor and delivery, I have no idea where I was other than a hospital room. I remember that I had to pee and I didn't want to because I didn't want the fluid to keep leaking, or worse, a baby to come out. They basically told me go if you gotta go, it's not going to stop. It was miserable and scary to sit on the toilet even if it was only 15 seconds - I was in a hurry to get off of there and lay down somewhere where gravity wasn't working against me to continue to try to control my uncontrollable body.
It wasn't long at all before my doctor met us. Dr. Erin Stone. She's a beautiful fair skinned, red headed doctor with the sweetest demeanor. I always loved seeing her in the office, even though I had only seen her maybe 3 times. She always treated me like I was the only patient that mattered to her, never rushed off or seemed too busy, took time to listen to any concerns I had or answer my questions and seemed genuinely excited for us that we were having twins. I was SO happy to hear that she was the doctor on call. She's no longer at my ob office and I'm really sad about that. Wherever she is, she's a dang good doctor, and has the best bedside manor that you can possible imagine in such a horrific situation. She checked to make sure I wasn't actually about to give birth right there, and I was only a centimeter dilated and I don't even remember how effaced, but that was much more.
Shortly after my mom arrived and my inlaws got there too. Talk about uncomfortable. I mean - you want emotional support in a situation like this, and I couldn't have had more, really (well -- besides my husband actually being in town!). I have the best family ever. But there's my family standing at the end of my bed while I'm trying not to have babies....they kept having to leave the room. My father-in-law asked if he needed to let my husband know that he needed to get home asap and Dr. Stone said absolutely. He left the room while my mom, mother-in-law and sister-in-law stayed close by.
It really is a blur and I can't remember what all they did to me except for a couple of tests and a catheter (and I'm perfectly ok with that NEVER happening again in my life), and an IV. They also started me on magnesium which is supposed to help protect the babies brains should they be born because intraventricular hemorrhaging is one of the many things that preemies this early would potentially face. They didn't give me steroid shots, because I was in the "gray" zone of viability and wanted me to get more information once I was transferred.
Let me tell you what. When you get put on magnesium, it's like all of a sudden your whole body is on fire. It happens fast and last about 30 minutes (if I remember correctly) as they give you a bolus (larger concentration) and then wean it back to whatever is the normal amount. And I felt like I was thinking normal, but I'm pretty sure it makes you think slower. Looking back at the pictures of when I was on that stuff, I looked way worse than I felt mentally. Physically, I felt as bad as I looked! Dr. Stone made a couple of calls to UNC and Duke to find out which one had an open bed space (or two really) in the NICU because IF these babies were coming, they needed to be in a level III NICU, not at Rex where they aren't prepared to take care of 23 weekers. While I was very sad that I wasn't going to be able to stay with Dr. Stone, I was confident that she knew what was best for me and the babies and trusted her judgment.
All of a sudden as I lay there waiting for my first ambulance ride - I had this strange feeling come over me. I looked around the room and said "what was that?" as if someone else did something to me or knew what I was talking about. Wait, "was that a contraction?" Yep. Up until that point, I had never had a contraction, so I had no idea why it just felt like something tightened on my belly when no one was touching me. It didn't hurt, it was just weird. But I didn't want to start having contractions. Contractions were what was going to make me start dilating and I really didn't want to do that.
They had done an ultrasound and said that Baby A's fluid had broken and it looked like he was practicing breathing. Baby B's amniotic sac appeared to be in tact.
Dr. Stone came to me, sat beside me on the bed, held my hands and looked me in the eye and told me that every minute counts. Every hour counts. Twelve more hours counted, twenty four more hours counted. The longer they stayed in, even if it was only a little while, was better than them coming right now. She explained to me that I would get counseling from the neonatologist once I got to UNC and more information on statistics that she didn't have, but assured me that every moment they stayed in my belly was making a difference. She also told me that the chances of going into labor in the next 48 hours were the highest, and if I made it past that point, the chances of staying pregnant longer were better. She gave me a hug and kissed the top of my head and it was time to transfer to the ambulance stretcher.
I hated transferring from one bed to another, something I had to do several times. I didn't want to move!! All I wanted to do is stay still and keep my legs crossed and stay pregnant for as long as I could! I had to ride in the ambulance alone, and my inlaws and Mom all followed each other to UNC. It felt like we were driving pretty fast, and it wasn't too bumpy. I'm pretty sure they all got to UNC before we did somehow.
Thankfully I was now on the way to somewhere that my babies would have a much higher chance of survival should they decide that it was time to come out and meet the world. I didn't know who my doctors would be, but I knew they would be the right doctors. I felt emotionless, numb, and in shock. I kept thinking about those twins that were born at 24 weeks and were ok. There HAD to be a reason God let me know that before today. I'd never in my life heard of babies born that early. But they were ok. The dad told me so himself. That helped me hold it together for the moment...and I prayed...and prayed.
It wasn't long at all before my doctor met us. Dr. Erin Stone. She's a beautiful fair skinned, red headed doctor with the sweetest demeanor. I always loved seeing her in the office, even though I had only seen her maybe 3 times. She always treated me like I was the only patient that mattered to her, never rushed off or seemed too busy, took time to listen to any concerns I had or answer my questions and seemed genuinely excited for us that we were having twins. I was SO happy to hear that she was the doctor on call. She's no longer at my ob office and I'm really sad about that. Wherever she is, she's a dang good doctor, and has the best bedside manor that you can possible imagine in such a horrific situation. She checked to make sure I wasn't actually about to give birth right there, and I was only a centimeter dilated and I don't even remember how effaced, but that was much more.
Shortly after my mom arrived and my inlaws got there too. Talk about uncomfortable. I mean - you want emotional support in a situation like this, and I couldn't have had more, really (well -- besides my husband actually being in town!). I have the best family ever. But there's my family standing at the end of my bed while I'm trying not to have babies....they kept having to leave the room. My father-in-law asked if he needed to let my husband know that he needed to get home asap and Dr. Stone said absolutely. He left the room while my mom, mother-in-law and sister-in-law stayed close by.
It really is a blur and I can't remember what all they did to me except for a couple of tests and a catheter (and I'm perfectly ok with that NEVER happening again in my life), and an IV. They also started me on magnesium which is supposed to help protect the babies brains should they be born because intraventricular hemorrhaging is one of the many things that preemies this early would potentially face. They didn't give me steroid shots, because I was in the "gray" zone of viability and wanted me to get more information once I was transferred.
Let me tell you what. When you get put on magnesium, it's like all of a sudden your whole body is on fire. It happens fast and last about 30 minutes (if I remember correctly) as they give you a bolus (larger concentration) and then wean it back to whatever is the normal amount. And I felt like I was thinking normal, but I'm pretty sure it makes you think slower. Looking back at the pictures of when I was on that stuff, I looked way worse than I felt mentally. Physically, I felt as bad as I looked! Dr. Stone made a couple of calls to UNC and Duke to find out which one had an open bed space (or two really) in the NICU because IF these babies were coming, they needed to be in a level III NICU, not at Rex where they aren't prepared to take care of 23 weekers. While I was very sad that I wasn't going to be able to stay with Dr. Stone, I was confident that she knew what was best for me and the babies and trusted her judgment.
All of a sudden as I lay there waiting for my first ambulance ride - I had this strange feeling come over me. I looked around the room and said "what was that?" as if someone else did something to me or knew what I was talking about. Wait, "was that a contraction?" Yep. Up until that point, I had never had a contraction, so I had no idea why it just felt like something tightened on my belly when no one was touching me. It didn't hurt, it was just weird. But I didn't want to start having contractions. Contractions were what was going to make me start dilating and I really didn't want to do that.
They had done an ultrasound and said that Baby A's fluid had broken and it looked like he was practicing breathing. Baby B's amniotic sac appeared to be in tact.
Dr. Stone came to me, sat beside me on the bed, held my hands and looked me in the eye and told me that every minute counts. Every hour counts. Twelve more hours counted, twenty four more hours counted. The longer they stayed in, even if it was only a little while, was better than them coming right now. She explained to me that I would get counseling from the neonatologist once I got to UNC and more information on statistics that she didn't have, but assured me that every moment they stayed in my belly was making a difference. She also told me that the chances of going into labor in the next 48 hours were the highest, and if I made it past that point, the chances of staying pregnant longer were better. She gave me a hug and kissed the top of my head and it was time to transfer to the ambulance stretcher.
I hated transferring from one bed to another, something I had to do several times. I didn't want to move!! All I wanted to do is stay still and keep my legs crossed and stay pregnant for as long as I could! I had to ride in the ambulance alone, and my inlaws and Mom all followed each other to UNC. It felt like we were driving pretty fast, and it wasn't too bumpy. I'm pretty sure they all got to UNC before we did somehow.
Thankfully I was now on the way to somewhere that my babies would have a much higher chance of survival should they decide that it was time to come out and meet the world. I didn't know who my doctors would be, but I knew they would be the right doctors. I felt emotionless, numb, and in shock. I kept thinking about those twins that were born at 24 weeks and were ok. There HAD to be a reason God let me know that before today. I'd never in my life heard of babies born that early. But they were ok. The dad told me so himself. That helped me hold it together for the moment...and I prayed...and prayed.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Hold on to this.
Rewind to 21 weeks pregnant and I was at work one day cleaning my room before seating my next patient and one of my co-workers introduced me to her patient she was about to seat and told me that he and his wife had twins early last year. This was not an unusual occurrence as once I shared that we were having twins, it seemed like there are twins everywhere! I can't even remember how many patients I met at work who either had twins or were a twin or had twin grandchildren. And when it comes to twins, the general rule is, most likely they are going to come a little early. And if not, the doctor wasn't going to let me go past 38 weeks anyway. But of course, being pregnant with twins and preparing myself that they probably would come 2-4 weeks early, I had to ask, "how early were they?"
I wasn't prepared for his answer. Twenty four weeks. As in 16 weeks early??? Yep, that's right. I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the floor. That was only 3 weeks away and I was no where near ready for two babies to enter this world in just a few weeks. I had cribs, and car seats, but that was literally all. I had no where to put the cribs because our baby room was still a guest room. Naturally I asked if they were okay and he told me that they were now. Thank God! That was the end of our 1 minute conversation.
There was no coincidence in me meeting this man who's family endured what I could not even fathom at the time. No coincidence at all. And this is why I say, God provided us with everything that we needed, every step of the way. Even by beginning to prepare me ahead of time without my knowing.
As soon as my water broke, and I was on the way to the hospital, and among all the thoughts rolling through my head, I was not hopeless. I didn't feel despair. I knew that I was not in a good situation, but aside from trying my best to control my body that was totally out of control at this point, all I could think of was there were these twins out there somewhere that were born last year at 24 weeks and they were OK. That's all I needed to know. There was hope.
It was as if God planted a little seed in my head and said, "here, hold on to this..." because I was going to need it sooner than I could have ever imagined. I'm so grateful for that one minute conversation on a Tuesday morning in the back of the dentist office that played so clearly in my head as we made our way to Rex before the sun came up.
Those twins were OK. There was HOPE. This was NOT over.
I wasn't prepared for his answer. Twenty four weeks. As in 16 weeks early??? Yep, that's right. I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the floor. That was only 3 weeks away and I was no where near ready for two babies to enter this world in just a few weeks. I had cribs, and car seats, but that was literally all. I had no where to put the cribs because our baby room was still a guest room. Naturally I asked if they were okay and he told me that they were now. Thank God! That was the end of our 1 minute conversation.
There was no coincidence in me meeting this man who's family endured what I could not even fathom at the time. No coincidence at all. And this is why I say, God provided us with everything that we needed, every step of the way. Even by beginning to prepare me ahead of time without my knowing.
As soon as my water broke, and I was on the way to the hospital, and among all the thoughts rolling through my head, I was not hopeless. I didn't feel despair. I knew that I was not in a good situation, but aside from trying my best to control my body that was totally out of control at this point, all I could think of was there were these twins out there somewhere that were born last year at 24 weeks and they were OK. That's all I needed to know. There was hope.
It was as if God planted a little seed in my head and said, "here, hold on to this..." because I was going to need it sooner than I could have ever imagined. I'm so grateful for that one minute conversation on a Tuesday morning in the back of the dentist office that played so clearly in my head as we made our way to Rex before the sun came up.
Those twins were OK. There was HOPE. This was NOT over.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
23 weeks and 3 days
I had a perfect pregnancy. I never got very sick. I was a little queezy in the beginning but not too bad, despite the doctors warning that "it was coming" since I had two babies on board. Thank the Lord for that! I felt good, I hadn't gained too much weight, my blood pressure was good, the babies were good, everything was good! I had just gotten to the point that my lower back was starting to ache, but I was over halfway through my pregnancy, with twins and that's a "normal" pregnancy symptom. I was working 2-3 days a week as a dental hygienist (also hard on a back) and I had just started bumping people's heads with my belly :) I wondered how on earth I would clean teeth with a big ol' twin pregnant belly, but I was just going with it. I had an appointment on a Monday with a growth scan and ultrasound where I got to see the babies in 3d for just a minute and they weren't really very clear because they were still so little, but it was obvious that Baby B was still quite the wild one as he showed off with his feet up by his EARS....it hurt me just to think about it. We got a few cute little pictures and one looked like Baby A was kissing Baby B's head. They measured everything that needed to be measured and things were looking good with the babies and me as far as they could see.
Luke had been out of town in Kansas City, Missouri for a couple of weeks and was supposed to come home Thursday or Friday, but they asked him to stay an extra week. I was really upset about that because I knew that our time with just the two of us was coming to an end and here they were taking away even more of it! Saturday night I went over to the inlaws and spent some time with them and my brother in law and sister in law and by the time I got home I was super tired! I only remember that because Luke had called to talk and I remember that I had already fallen asleep and I don't even remember what we said because I was too sleepy to talk and he decided to let me go so I could rest. That's the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on the couch until.......
I woke up around 4:30 to a GUSH. Not a trickle, "oh what is that? Could something be wrong?" There was no mistaking what was happening - it was like every tv show or movie ever made it out to be. I didn't for a second wonder if maybe I was just peeing on myself...IT woke me up and was uncontrollable. I jumped up and I may have just been thinking it, but I'm pretty sure I quietly started saying "oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no...." while I ran to the bathroom. I knew what was happening, but I didn't know why and I knew it wasn't good. I sat down on the toilet and tried to compose my thoughts. What do I DO? I'm pretty sure I need to go to the hospital, now. I'll call my mom. Well, she's 30 minutes away, that's a long way for her to drive. And she'll be worried the whole way. Maybe I'll call Luke's parents, they are only 15 minutes away. I probably need to leave sooner than that. Stephanie -- CALL Casey and Liz (my brother in law and sis in law), now! They live IN the neighborhood.
I don't know why or how - but for some reason I thought it was Monday, and I knew that Casey and Liz had to go to work, and I didn't want to bother them.
Ok, call Liz or Casey? I don't want to call Casey - I look like I peed in my pants. Stephanie - this IS an emergency, call them NOW.
Ok, ok.. I called. I think I told Liz, "I think I need to go to the hospital...my water broke."
She was here in less than 5 minutes, I am sure. It was fast. In the mean time, waiting for her, I decided to grab a few things knowing I had no idea when I would be back home. My phone, my ipad, my robe (to hide my pants), a couple of towels (to sit on in Liz's car), and pants (because mine were wet). You know...because they LET you wear pants when you're at the hospital threatening to give birth way too early.
Maybe my thoughts weren't totally together, but I had the essentials - a phone and an ipad. Ha!
Liz got here, and I was folding towels to put in her seat while bless her heart she was telling me not to worry about that. Hey, she had a new car and I didn't want to mess it up. As I sat down, I said "I just need to stay calm"...which I later found out she thought I was telling HER to stay calm. That sounded so bossy and unlike me - but apparently it helped ;) She was great - she ran all the lights and drove very quickly all the way to Rex and got us there safely. On the way, I called Luke, the doctor, my mom, dad and inlaws...all who ended up meeting us at the hospital....except for Luke - who was in Missouri!
I ran inside the hospital, told them my water broke and I was 23 weeks and 3 days pregnant. They asked me something about insurance and got a nurse to take me to wherever I needed to be because apparently we came in the cardiac emergency department. The nurse said "you're how far along?" "23 weeks...." "Oooh $#*!", she said and turned to Liz and asked "Can you run?" I'll probably never know who she was, but let me tell you, that's not a way to keep a pregnant lady who's water just broke way too early calm.
Then we bumped our way along the halls in the wheel chair and elevators to where my doctor was meeting us.
Luke had been out of town in Kansas City, Missouri for a couple of weeks and was supposed to come home Thursday or Friday, but they asked him to stay an extra week. I was really upset about that because I knew that our time with just the two of us was coming to an end and here they were taking away even more of it! Saturday night I went over to the inlaws and spent some time with them and my brother in law and sister in law and by the time I got home I was super tired! I only remember that because Luke had called to talk and I remember that I had already fallen asleep and I don't even remember what we said because I was too sleepy to talk and he decided to let me go so I could rest. That's the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on the couch until.......
I woke up around 4:30 to a GUSH. Not a trickle, "oh what is that? Could something be wrong?" There was no mistaking what was happening - it was like every tv show or movie ever made it out to be. I didn't for a second wonder if maybe I was just peeing on myself...IT woke me up and was uncontrollable. I jumped up and I may have just been thinking it, but I'm pretty sure I quietly started saying "oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no...." while I ran to the bathroom. I knew what was happening, but I didn't know why and I knew it wasn't good. I sat down on the toilet and tried to compose my thoughts. What do I DO? I'm pretty sure I need to go to the hospital, now. I'll call my mom. Well, she's 30 minutes away, that's a long way for her to drive. And she'll be worried the whole way. Maybe I'll call Luke's parents, they are only 15 minutes away. I probably need to leave sooner than that. Stephanie -- CALL Casey and Liz (my brother in law and sis in law), now! They live IN the neighborhood.
I don't know why or how - but for some reason I thought it was Monday, and I knew that Casey and Liz had to go to work, and I didn't want to bother them.
Ok, call Liz or Casey? I don't want to call Casey - I look like I peed in my pants. Stephanie - this IS an emergency, call them NOW.
Ok, ok.. I called. I think I told Liz, "I think I need to go to the hospital...my water broke."
She was here in less than 5 minutes, I am sure. It was fast. In the mean time, waiting for her, I decided to grab a few things knowing I had no idea when I would be back home. My phone, my ipad, my robe (to hide my pants), a couple of towels (to sit on in Liz's car), and pants (because mine were wet). You know...because they LET you wear pants when you're at the hospital threatening to give birth way too early.
Maybe my thoughts weren't totally together, but I had the essentials - a phone and an ipad. Ha!
Liz got here, and I was folding towels to put in her seat while bless her heart she was telling me not to worry about that. Hey, she had a new car and I didn't want to mess it up. As I sat down, I said "I just need to stay calm"...which I later found out she thought I was telling HER to stay calm. That sounded so bossy and unlike me - but apparently it helped ;) She was great - she ran all the lights and drove very quickly all the way to Rex and got us there safely. On the way, I called Luke, the doctor, my mom, dad and inlaws...all who ended up meeting us at the hospital....except for Luke - who was in Missouri!
I ran inside the hospital, told them my water broke and I was 23 weeks and 3 days pregnant. They asked me something about insurance and got a nurse to take me to wherever I needed to be because apparently we came in the cardiac emergency department. The nurse said "you're how far along?" "23 weeks...." "Oooh $#*!", she said and turned to Liz and asked "Can you run?" I'll probably never know who she was, but let me tell you, that's not a way to keep a pregnant lady who's water just broke way too early calm.
Then we bumped our way along the halls in the wheel chair and elevators to where my doctor was meeting us.
Monday, March 31, 2014
It's baby time.
The FIRST miracle is life. Babies are a precious gift of life - they are all miracles, whether they are born full term, a week late, seventeen weeks early, twenty hours of hard labor, C-section, in a hospital, at home, in a car, planned, unplanned, one by one, two by two...or more.....wherever, whenever, babies are miracles. Created by the Creator - the giver of life!
So, our boys (like the rest of us) started out as miracles.
Back up......Luke and I had been married TEN years (yes we got married as babies) and then...then I turned 29. Those ten years included two deployments to Iraq, Luke going through college, me going through college, two years of Luke living in SC while I stayed home to finish school, and a couple of jobs for each of us during that time. After all that, and with years of prayer that we would have children one day, it finally felt like the "right" time to start a family - Lord willing!
December 8th, 2012, I found out I was pregnant (yay!). We were so excited to share the news with our families, but with it being this{ } close to Christmas, we decided to hold off a couple of weeks and surprise them at Christmas! Perfect.
So we bought appropriate gifts for the grandparents proclaiming "Grandmother", "Grandpa", and so on and so forth, for them to all open on Christmas day for them to unveil that they were finally going to have a grandchild. After 10 years, they had probably lost all hope.
Christmas came, they were all totally surprised, we recorded them on video, and it was GREAT! My first doctor appointment was the following day but we guessed I was probably about six weeks along.
Luke wasn't able to join me for the first appointment because he works third shift and sleeps during the day and the only appointment time they had available was smack in the middle of the afternoon, so it just didn't work out, and I took along my mom. I've had a lot of friends have a lot of babies. I've looked at their ultrasounds for years, and so for the most part, I knew what to expect the ultrasound to look like. And then it popped up on the screen - whoa. There it is - this picture that I have seen from every single one of my pregnant friends ultrasounds and now that little thing is in MY belly! Just whoa. And hold on. This looks different. I sat up slightly and looked at the screen and turned to the doctor and asked...."are there two?!" To which she replied, "ah man, that's the fun part - getting to tell you that there is TWINS, but you already saw it!" Oh my. Twins. I mean, what girl hasn't imagined having twins at some point in her life - but there are TWO of them, in MY belly? Right now? But I feel the same. I can hardly wrap my head around there being one in there, and there are two? "We need a bigger house."
I measured 5 weeks and 6 days and she immediately went into the fact that some pregnancies start out as twin pregnancies and end up as only one because of vanishing twin syndrome and so on, sciency stuff. Well, I just had to pray that wasn't going to happen because she just told me I have two babies to love, and I want them both.
Then I got to come home and tell my husband who was already iffy on whether we'd be okay with one baby that we were indeed having two. They were in different sacs *thank God*, so that meant most likely they were fraternal, which would technically be my "fault" - so I joked and said I was making up for lost time! He handled the news well ;)
Faternal twins are the least complicated as far as pregnancies go, but automatically since it was a twin pregnancy, it was considered high risk and I was to be followed by the maternal fetal medicine doctors as well as my regular ob, just to be on the safe side. That meant lots of appointments, and lots of ultrasounds - and hey, I wasn't complaining about that!
Baby time!!
So, our boys (like the rest of us) started out as miracles.
Back up......Luke and I had been married TEN years (yes we got married as babies) and then...then I turned 29. Those ten years included two deployments to Iraq, Luke going through college, me going through college, two years of Luke living in SC while I stayed home to finish school, and a couple of jobs for each of us during that time. After all that, and with years of prayer that we would have children one day, it finally felt like the "right" time to start a family - Lord willing!
December 8th, 2012, I found out I was pregnant (yay!). We were so excited to share the news with our families, but with it being this{ } close to Christmas, we decided to hold off a couple of weeks and surprise them at Christmas! Perfect.
So we bought appropriate gifts for the grandparents proclaiming "Grandmother", "Grandpa", and so on and so forth, for them to all open on Christmas day for them to unveil that they were finally going to have a grandchild. After 10 years, they had probably lost all hope.
Christmas came, they were all totally surprised, we recorded them on video, and it was GREAT! My first doctor appointment was the following day but we guessed I was probably about six weeks along.
Luke wasn't able to join me for the first appointment because he works third shift and sleeps during the day and the only appointment time they had available was smack in the middle of the afternoon, so it just didn't work out, and I took along my mom. I've had a lot of friends have a lot of babies. I've looked at their ultrasounds for years, and so for the most part, I knew what to expect the ultrasound to look like. And then it popped up on the screen - whoa. There it is - this picture that I have seen from every single one of my pregnant friends ultrasounds and now that little thing is in MY belly! Just whoa. And hold on. This looks different. I sat up slightly and looked at the screen and turned to the doctor and asked...."are there two?!" To which she replied, "ah man, that's the fun part - getting to tell you that there is TWINS, but you already saw it!" Oh my. Twins. I mean, what girl hasn't imagined having twins at some point in her life - but there are TWO of them, in MY belly? Right now? But I feel the same. I can hardly wrap my head around there being one in there, and there are two? "We need a bigger house."
I measured 5 weeks and 6 days and she immediately went into the fact that some pregnancies start out as twin pregnancies and end up as only one because of vanishing twin syndrome and so on, sciency stuff. Well, I just had to pray that wasn't going to happen because she just told me I have two babies to love, and I want them both.
Then I got to come home and tell my husband who was already iffy on whether we'd be okay with one baby that we were indeed having two. They were in different sacs *thank God*, so that meant most likely they were fraternal, which would technically be my "fault" - so I joked and said I was making up for lost time! He handled the news well ;)
Faternal twins are the least complicated as far as pregnancies go, but automatically since it was a twin pregnancy, it was considered high risk and I was to be followed by the maternal fetal medicine doctors as well as my regular ob, just to be on the safe side. That meant lots of appointments, and lots of ultrasounds - and hey, I wasn't complaining about that!
Baby time!!
Sunday, March 30, 2014
The beginning of a miracle.
It has already been 11 months since Lucas was born. He's 11 months old today...already. I'm not a fan of how quickly time is passing, and you'll probably hear me say that on a regular basis. I. don't. like. it. one. bit. My babies aren't supposed to be almost one anyway! Can we just pretend they were born in August when they were supposed to be so that I have a few more months before I have one year olds? As much as I would like to do that and call them seven month olds like they are supposed to be, it would really take away from the amazing start they had to life. And since apparently it was in their destiny (God's plan) to enter this world almost four months early, I guess I shouldn't do that. Since my first born miracle twin will be ONE whole year old a month from today, I think it's time to start telling the whole story of the miracle that our sons are. I mean, come on, we have 23 and 26 weeker twins that were born 16 days apart, that are at home, thriving and doing great. That is a miracle in itself - but there is so much more to it than just those details.
It will take some time. But I'm excited to share about what our GREAT God did and how He provided everything we needed every step of the way. It wasn't subtle little "Hey maybe that was God" things....it was "HELLO - THAT was SO a God thing -- thank you Jesus!" I'm pretty sure almost every time I cried for the first few days of our journey, it was not in sadness but in God's constant reminder that He was with us. Over, and over, and over again.
Thank You, Lord, for never leaving us and for giving us this story to share!
More to come, in between taking care of a couple of busy twin boys who I love and cherish more than I could ever explain!
It will take some time. But I'm excited to share about what our GREAT God did and how He provided everything we needed every step of the way. It wasn't subtle little "Hey maybe that was God" things....it was "HELLO - THAT was SO a God thing -- thank you Jesus!" I'm pretty sure almost every time I cried for the first few days of our journey, it was not in sadness but in God's constant reminder that He was with us. Over, and over, and over again.
Thank You, Lord, for never leaving us and for giving us this story to share!
More to come, in between taking care of a couple of busy twin boys who I love and cherish more than I could ever explain!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
The end of the best year so far!
I decided to start a blog...what the heck, sometimes it's nice to just write it down. Or type it out... So I will start with the ending of the best year of my life so far.... I'm sure many more details of the blessings of 2013 will show up in this blog, but for now....
2013: I don't even know where to begin! A year that started out wonderful and exciting, turned scary and helpless....but never HOPEless! I've never felt more loved by my Savior! I know His love hasn't changed, but my perspective has. During times that I should have been falling apart, He held me together, and gave me hope. He gave me people from all over to love, support, care, and pray for my family! I definitely had moments, many of them, that I wasn't as strong as I felt like I needed to be, but He was so clearly carrying me through. I learned a lot about patience, and waiting on Him. His plans are better than mine, His ways are better than mine, and He can even grow a baby way better than I can - anywhere. He doesn't need me - I need Him! I need Him more than anything because He gives me everything.
2013: I don't even know where to begin! A year that started out wonderful and exciting, turned scary and helpless....but never HOPEless! I've never felt more loved by my Savior! I know His love hasn't changed, but my perspective has. During times that I should have been falling apart, He held me together, and gave me hope. He gave me people from all over to love, support, care, and pray for my family! I definitely had moments, many of them, that I wasn't as strong as I felt like I needed to be, but He was so clearly carrying me through. I learned a lot about patience, and waiting on Him. His plans are better than mine, His ways are better than mine, and He can even grow a baby way better than I can - anywhere. He doesn't need me - I need Him! I need Him more than anything because He gives me everything.
I learned (more than I already knew) that my husband loves me unconditionally and will fight for me and our sweet boys while protecting my heart as much as he can. He always knows what is best for me, and wants what is best for me when it counts the most.
I learned that my family and true friends are more awesome than I ever knew because they still love me and check on me even if it seems as though I've fallen off of the face of the earth and haven't been great in return. That's some good stuff.
I've learned the love of a mother, which there are no words to explain. I'm just grateful for the opportunity to be a mother to our sons. (I still can't believe God trusts me with two at once!)
I have been incredibly amazed and blessed by ALL that this year has brought into our lives, and while I wouldn't have planned it all the way that it played out, I know that there is a purpose and a plan for it and I pray that good will come from the miracles we have witnessed this year! Not just for us, but for others...I have already been given all that I needed and wanted with two healthy babies at home. I pray their lives will be a blessing to many and that they will learn to love The Lord with all of their hearts!
With ALL of that said, I must say, 2013 has actually been the best year of my life! I have been given so so much. Thank You, Lord, for it all!
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