Well, I started this blog a month before Lucas turns one, with hopes to have "the story" told so I can share it when he turns one. I took a break for a few days, and honestly, every time I thought about writing this post again, I just haven't sat down to do it because it is not one of my favorite memories and I've just been thinking of what to say. It was a hard day, but there were some good parts.
When my ambulance arrived to UNC, the first little bit is a blur. When I sit here and think about it, I don't actually remember entering the building and I think now that I feel like I have UNC memorized...where exactly was I??? I'm sure it was an entrance I never used again.
I'm pretty sure by now, Luke knew that he needed to get the first flight out of Missouri and get back home ASAP. Oh, how I wanted him to be with me right now. There were a couple of nurses in the room it seems like - and one, Shannon, her nails matched her scrubs. We laughed at that as it was coincidence. And my mom showed up in there at some point in time. And I must say, she did a really good job of holding it together. I always felt like if something happened I wouldn't want to panic her and make it worse, but as worried as I know she was, she held it together for me. Better than I thought she would have, knowing my tender hearted mother.
There was a doctor who came in to talk to me. I don't know her name, but I remember her face. She was far from what I expected from when Dr. Stone had told me that every hour counted and that when I got to UNC, they would be able to tell me more about statistics and give e options as to whether to give me steroids, etc. No. That's not what this doctor did. This doctor stood beside me and looked me in the eye and said very matter of fact "Your babies aren't viable. If they start to come, we can't help them. If you get an infection, we will have to take them, but they aren't far enough along to make it. We can't give you the steroid shot right now because it won't help until you're 24 weeks, so we can give it to you at 23 weeks and 5 days because we'd like you to have it in your system for 48 hours, but you're only 23 weeks and 3 days, so it won't do any good right now." She also decided to stop the magnesium to protect the babies brains because of the same reason. If I were to go into labor right now, they wouldn't save the babies, so there was no point in having me on magnesium. The main reason for magnesium is for protecting the babies brains from possible hemorrhaging, but another useful side effect was that it can also be used to slow contractions. And she wanted to take me back off of the magnesium because it was "pointless" at this time.
I was so in shock of all that was going on, I didn't talk much. I didn't ask very many questions, and I just was taking in what was being told to me without questioning it. After all, they were the doctors, I guess they make the decisions for these kinds of things. They didn't know why my water broke and if it was because of infection then I could potentially be at danger, and they were concerned for me as their patient, more than the babies. I just listened and prayed for my precious babies to stay inside.
While I was in the emergency room, my phone rang. It was one of my sweetest friends, Kitzya. She was concerned and called to ask me if she could pray with me, and she did. That was probably the first time I cried because up until that point I was in "fight or flight" mode and just kind of numb. But here, my friend, who lives all the way in Texas and felt helpless not to be able to do anything, called me to pray with me. It was just what I needed. I could hear the emotions in her voice, but she prayed for God's protection around me and our baby boys in the name of Jesus and for the doctors and nurses and for peace and comfort. I will always remember how special it was for her to care enough to call and pray with me right then. She (along with many other friends) were also asking their friends, families and churches to pray (it happened to be a Sunday morning) for us as well. Prayers, and a miracle, were exactly what we needed.
Finally, I was out of that room and off to labor and delivery with that doctors' words stuck in my head. "You're babies aren't viable..." But then it came to mind again - those 24 week twins I heard about that were born last year, and the dad said that they are ok!
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